This week I had just one of those days. You know when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, in a funk, with a bad outlook, down in the dumps, blah. You get the picture. Or should I go on?
It started just fine. Got up, had my shower, got ready for work, had my special morning time with Parker and then as I was driving to work. It hit. I began to doubt my choices, my life and really let myself have it. I began to beat myself up over the littlest things and it just grew and grew. I sulked around work not even talking to a single person in my path. Put my ipod in my ear so they wouldn't talk to me.
I called my Zac to meet him for lunch. Got to lunch and sat down to tell him about my pitiful day and all I could do was cry. Sitting in the middle of chick-fil-a. Cried to the point I couldn't even tell him why I was crying or how I was feeling. (He caught on to that part pretty quickly).
A sweet worker there came over with a cup of ice cream and said "Ma'ma, I'm not sure why you are crying but you sure look like you could use some ice cream." *snif, snif* "Thanks"
As I thought about it, I knew what was making me cry, but not WHY I was crying. The circumstances that were making me cry quickly came to my mind, but I wasn't sure why they were making me so upset. I'm not saying it's not okay to cry becasue I truly believe it is good to cry, but I know it's better to trust our loving, heavenly father!
As I drove away from that lunch, I just wept in my car and was pleading with God to help me to see his hand in all of this. I kept asking "why God, why me, why now, why, why?" When I changed my question and asked "What am I missing?" all unrest stopped and clear as the morning I hear the holy spirit say "ME." I startled and looked around to make sure I was hearing what I thought it was. Sure enough, it came again. "ME." It immediately sank it what the Lord was trying to tell me.
I had focused on the strife, the negative, the bad feeling, the pain - instead of focusing on His love, His plan, His holiness, His desire to see me prosper. To my mind came the verse - "All things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28. I desire more than anything to walk in His path, His plan for my life and instead of trusting Him I began to doubt my decisions and actions and ultimately doubt His plan.
As hard as that is to say, that's the truth. I'll admit it and lay it out there for all (2 of you) to see...I doubted God. I know now that doubt came from "missing God." I have been away from His word and not listening to Him on a daily basis and in crept Satan to cause strife and doubt in my life. Praise the Lord I noticed it quickly and can turn back to Him! But I am reminded that we have to stand guard against the attacks of this world and not stray from His promises! We have to ferverently study His word. We have to be in constant communication with Him.
Are you "missing Him"? Turn to Him. Run to Him. Fall on your face and worhip our loving Father who no matter how far we have gone or how much we have doubted, is always there with open arms ready to accept you back.
Declaration for the day: "And I speak to this day and I call you blessed. And I declare that I serve a mighty God who today will do exceedingly and abundantly beyond all that I can ask or think. I say you are a good God and I eagerly anticipate your goodness today."
-From "Igniting Faith in 40 days"
